Thursday, September 14, 2006

This is who I am. This is what I do.

I have been feeling especially paranoid lately and it has caused me not to blog. The little voice in my head is all, "These people do not give two shits about what you had for dinner." or "They do not want to hear AGAIN about the crappy service you had at a restaurant." I swear I do not complain all of the time! But I get paranoid that I am always especially complimentary of myself and oh so critical of everyone else.

But then I think, "Yes, I am a bitch. Who cares?" Ha! I care so much that I tell myself I don't. It is like when the bath water gets so hot that it almost feels incredibly freezing on your skin as it turns it dark shades of scary red. I care so much it becomes not caring.

I fooled my husband with this for awhile. He thought I didn't care and he could joke or say what he wanted and it wouldn't matter, "Because man she is tough!" Oh the wicked web we weave...For our marriage, thank God he knows the truth now. I am as strong as my chili is spicy (another problem that I have. I mean, do I actually have to put jalapenos in there??).

In the same way that I tackle not remembering someone's name (I just tell them, "I'm sorry, but you are now Cody, because damn you do not look like a Logan."), I am tackling my writing issues.

Oh, and I love TJ with all my heart and it was he who suggested we use Chex Mix to make breadcrumbs for the fish crust. There, I admitted it. I feel much better now.


Amy said...

Hey, I like who you are. You are a good person. I do not know if you are having a bad day or something, but you need to cheer up. Many people care about you. You are LOVED!!!

Cathy said...

We wouldn't keep coming back to the blog if we didn't love you!

Were you this down on yourself when we were house mates? Cheer up chickie!